


Someone You Loved

by morningssofgold



Category: Prodigal Son (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Mutual Pining, Psychological Trauma, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:13:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22201648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morningssofgold/pseuds/morningssofgold
Summary: What happens when Malcolm sleeps beside Dani unrestrained and his night terrors join them.A multi-chaptered fic.
Relationships: Malcolm Bright/ Dani Powell
Comments: 28
Kudos: 92





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> _And I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes  
>  I fall into your arms  
> I'll be safe in your sound 'til I come back around_
> 
> _For now the day bleeds  
>  Into nightfall  
> And you're not here  
> To get me through it all  
> I let my guard down  
> And then you pulled the rug  
> I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved_
> 
> _Someone You Loved // Lewis Capaldi_

“You don’t remember, eh?” Paul Lazar leered at him, looking down, circling him slowly. “Little Malcolm, I find that very hard to believe. You were there and I dare say, _you enjoyed it._ ”

Malcolm said nothing. He just sat there chained, his head bowed, trying but failing to remain strong. The darkness was coming for him. It wanted him and it would surely have him.

Lazar squatted down in front of him, his serrated hunting knife in full view. “Well, let’s jog that memory shall we? Let me show you exactly what happened,” he said, just before plunging the blade into Malcolm’s side, sliding like butter through tissue and muscle, slowly drawing the blade from his hip to up his ribcage. Perverse mirth dancing in his dead, shark-like eyes.

Pain. That’s all Malcolm could think of, that was all that filled his mind. Excruciating pain and darkness clawing at him, claiming him, marking him, becoming him. 

He felt hands grab at him. He felt his hands fly out in front of him, shoving them away, he couldn’t stand anymore pain. It was too much, the pain consuming him.

“Nononono,” he tried to get away but there was nowhere to go. He was trapped.

“ _Bright!_ ”

––––––––––––––––––––

A familiar voice cut through the darkened haze that had become his mind and suddenly it was as though a veil had been lifted around him. He wasn’t in _that place_ Lazar had held him for nearly three days. Malcolm’s chest heaved, his breathing ragged as he took in his surroundings. He was in his apartment, in his bed though he wasn’t sure why he was kneeling in the center of it. His eyes landed on the young woman sprawled on the floor near the bed looking dazed and very confused. 

_Dani._

Malcolm’s body turned to ice as he realized what just happened. Dani, his girlfriend, had stayed over as she did almost every night since they’d confessed their feelings for each other. 

It was Valentine’s Day, he’d wanted the night to be special. Dani didn’t care much for Valentine’s Day, she’d called it “lame.” But Malcolm didn’t care, he wanted to show her how much she mattered to him. He’d spent weeks planning perfect evening. He’d surprised her at work with Venus et Fleur roses. Dani had been delighted and slightly overwhelmed upon receiving a box of red roses that was nearly as big as she was. Later on, he’d taken her to dinner at an upscale French restaurant downtown–he’d actually rented it out for the night, then they came back to his apartment. The night had been more than anything he could’ve imagined and then he ruined it as just as he ruined everything.

Malcolm belatedly realized his own state of undress and Dani on the floor still looking stunned in nothing but her black lacy La Perla set–another Valentine’s gift from him. He remembered Dani’s reaction when he’d surprised her with the gift. He’d thought all women liked pretty lingerie on Valentine’s Day and it seemed like a boyfriend-like thing to buy. Dani quirked a brow, gingerly inspecting the delicate and rather sheer Italian pieces, “Bright, this is a gift for you, not me.” The moment he saw it underneath the slinky black wrap dress she’d worn to dinner, he knew she’d been right. Her dark hair was wild and even more voluminous than usual. Every last curl separated and released by his fingers. Dread settled deeper and deeper within him with every passing moment. Their romantic night had now turned into an absolute nightmare but how could he have expected anything less? It was _him_ after all.

The worst part of it is that Malcolm had been there before. He’d run off a previous date and though he’d felt really bad about it as he never wanted to hurt anyone, this was _Dani_ , a woman who meant more to him than anything in this life and the next. A woman he loved–though he hadn’t told her that yet and now how could he? What was his love worth if it came with pain?

Malcolm wasn’t looking at Dani now, he couldn’t. He couldn’t bear to see the horror and revulsion that was most certainly on her face. As he had found out the hard way, it was fine to be scared of him until he actually became scary. Malcolm knew he wouldn’t be able to handle it if he saw fear on Dani’s beautiful face. Fear of him, fear of what he could do to her, fear of what he almost did to her.

Moreover, this was all his fault. How could he think he could sleep unrestrained? How could he believe that he was normal? He’d never told Dani this but she made him quiet. His mind constantly ran away from him but she’d quelled the restlessness that had long lived within him. Dani had tempered it long enough for him to relax into thinking that maybe he wasn’t deficient. Believing that had been _his_ mistake. A mistake he wouldn’t–couldn’t make again.

The realization that he had physically harmed Dani settled like stones in the pit of his stomach. Malcolm didn’t pull a knife on her but he’d shoved her hard enough to knock her off of the bed. Dani could’ve hit her head. She could’ve been killed. Bile rose up his throat at the thought. He hurriedly made his way to the bathroom, the urge to retch consuming him. 

––––––––––––––––

Malcolm started the shower, he needed something to clear his mind. To help him come to terms with what he’d just done to a woman who’d done nothing but care for him. He never thought he’d deserved all Dani offered to him–her warmth, her comfort, her trust– and he had been right. Dani had told him that she didn’t think he needed fixing. Tonight, he believed wholeheartedly that she’d found out just how wrong she’d been about that.

Stepping out of the shower, he’d realized that he hadn’t brought any clothes with him. The only clothes hanging behind the door were a pair of his plaid pajamas and an old shirt from undergrad–the clothes Dani tended to wear when she stayed over. Malcolm wondered if she were still here. Did she leave like everyone else did? The thought of her leaving him sent the sharpest pain shooting though his heart but he hoped she did. She deserved better than someone who was capable of hurting her, someone who had hurt her.

“Feeling better?” Dani asked, leaning against the wall, just outside the bathroom. She’d put on her short black kimono satin robe, the one of a few she kept at his apartment. Her arms were folded and he searched her pretty face. Malcolm expected to see condemnation but he didn’t. He saw compassion and something else he refused to name reflected in her deep brown eyes and it only made him feel worse.

“Not particularly,” Malcolm brushed by her, heading into the kitchen. He needed to get some space. He needed to get away from her–away from _himself_ , from his guilt–though that was incredibly hard as the clothes he wore wrapped him in her light Dove soap scent. 

Dani had the uncanny ability to see all of him even the things he didn’t want her to. The things that confirmed just now how fundamentally and irreparably damaged he was. 

–––––––––––––––––––

Dani trailed behind him. She’d seen Malcolm like this before. She’d seen him shut down and she didn’t want that. Dani didn’t want him closed off from her but she knew he was. She’d watched his ice blue eyes, the ones that had looked at her so softly, so earnestly–shutter. Walls going up right before her eyes.

They’d slept without the restraints before and Dani knew that Malcolm’s night terrors could come at any moment and she had been ready for that. She hadn’t been ready for this reaction though. 

This didn’t feel like the Malcolm she knew, the one who’d forgone all of his masks and shown her all of him when he’d confessed how he felt about her. This felt like the cold, detached stranger who barely looked at her for weeks on end after everything happened with Lazar. Dani had thought that man was gone for good but she’d been wrong. She unconsciously pulled her robe tighter around her as if to ward off the chill she felt emanating from him.

Dani had been asleep next to him when she’d suddenly felt him start thrashing about. They’d had the most beautiful night together. She’d never thought much of Valentine’s Day before. She’d always thought it to be a consumptive, Hallmark holiday but she couldn’t deny how special Malcolm had made her feel with his roses and his dinner with more courses than she could keep track of. No one had ever gone all out for her like that and Dani had wondered what she’d done to deserve such a thing. 

Her fingers absently went to the rose gold bracelet, a heart charm with the word _Love_ engraved on the center of it, two little key charms beside it, hanging off of her thin wrist. Yet another gift Malcolm had surprised her with on this night. Dani remembered how nervous Malcolm looked giving the small turquoise box to her. He’d stammered that if she didn’t like it, he could get her something else. She’d smiled; kissing her boyfriend softly, carding her fingers through his soft, dark hair. She thanked him, telling him how she thought it was very pretty and so incredibly thoughtful. Dani’s soft thank you kiss then turned into something deeper–something more and now they were here.

–––––––––––––––––

Dani wasn’t a stranger to any of his episodes, she knew what they looked like. They didn’t scare her–they saddened her. She wished her boyfriend could get a good night’s rest without some resurfaced horror taking absolute control of him. Though Malcolm hadn’t been lucid, he looked so very scared and she’d ached for him. No one should look that terrified when sleeping. She’d wanted to coax him towards her, help him find peace if only for a few moments.

Dani had done her best to wake him. Malcolm appeared to be desperately trying to get away from something or someone, Dani had her guesses as to who was tormenting him and she’d tried to anchor him. She tried to let him know that he was safe but her touch had only made him worse–more agitated, more panicked. 

Dani knew Malcolm didn’t mean it as he had been asleep and he appeared to be trying to protect himself but he’d pushed her. His hands roughly connected with her shoulders, sending her crashing to the floor. Such a thing probably wouldn’t have happened had she not been half asleep herself and completely taken by surprise. Though her hip was a bit sore from hitting the hardwood, she was no worse for the wear. Dani didn’t even get a chance to explain that she was fine as Malcolm went from looking horror-stricken as he gazed down at her from the bed to physically ill, rushing to the bathroom to throw up.

–––––––––––––––––

Malcolm sat down at the island, his head in his hands. Self-loathing threatening to swallow him whole. He heard her rummaging through his cabinet. Dani _cared_. She cared a lot. It was one of the things he loved most about her. Making tea was what Malcolm did for his girlfriend on those tough nights. He always made her tea when they had those really hard cases, those cases she took personally. Dani’s grandmother used to make it for her when she was a girl. She didn’t talk much about her family but she’d randomly offered up that bit of information in conversation and he’d held onto it as he’d held onto everything else about Dani. 

Earl Grey made Dani feel better during the times she beat herself up over things that were beyond her control. Malcolm always loved that he could give her that comfort, be there for her when she needed someone but Earl Grey couldn’t fix this–fix him.

He didn’t have to look up to know what she was doing. She was making tea. She was trying to comfort him. Trying to take care of him–doing what she always did and what did he give to her in return besides his burdens? Absolutely nothing. Dani deserved more and he knew what had to be done–what had always been inevitable. Nausea roiled inside of him. Malcolm took a steadying breath, pushing it back down.

“Dani, this isn’t gonna work,” Malcolm said, each word out of his mouth heavier than the last.

Dani looked up, her delicate hand stilled on the tin of loose tea leaves, “Excuse me?” Her brows knitted, confusion marring her pretty face.

Malcolm looked up, forcing himself to hold her gaze. He couldn’t be weak, his weakness had already put her in danger and he couldn’t risk that again, “This. Us. I think we should break up.” He saw the hurt flood her deep brown eyes and he immediately felt like the monster he was for putting it there.

Dani straightened her shoulders, she lifted her chin and met him head on, “Is that what you want, Bright?” It was a challenge. Dani challenged him daily. Malcolm was the brilliant, FBI trained profiler, people took what he said at face value. Dani never did. She wasn’t doing it now either. She dared him to lie to her.

Malcolm wanted to fold. He wanted to take it all back. He was so dangerously close to unraveling. He wanted to stop everything and bury his face in the crook of her neck. He knew Dani’s arms would then wrap around him. She’d whisper how he was safe, how everything was okay and that she was here. She’d hold him and he’d find solace in all that she was. Malcolm couldn’t allow himself to do any of that though. He couldn’t be allowed to feel safe because he wasn’t safe. He hurt people. He hurt _her_.

“Yeah…that’s what I want,” his voice, barely above a whisper. Malcolm had barely been able to form the words but he’d forced them out anyway.

Dani nodded curtly and walked off in the direction of the bedroom. Malcolm followed her, watching as she angrily threw her robe on bed. Malcolm unsuccessfully tried to fight the intense ache reverberating through him at the sight of her as she wordlessly slipped her dress back on. Dani grabbed her bag, her phone and her keys and headed toward the door.

“Um…I know, it’s late. I can call my driver if you want.” He realized that it was nearly four a.m. and she’d be heading back to her apartment in the Bronx by herself. He didn’t think it was possible to feel worse than he did at this very moment.

“Not needed,” Dani said tersely. Her boundless curls bouncing with every pulsing step. She didn’t look at him. She didn’t break stride as she walked right out of the door and right out of his life.

––––––––––––––––––

Malcolm stood in the middle of his massive walk-in, adjusting his slate gray vest before he slipped on the matching suit coat. His alarm had gone off, blasting his inspirational music throughout the apartment. He preferred older music, mostly Motown–something Dani always found amusing. 

_Dani._

He wouldn’t think of her. He wouldn’t think of all he’d let walk away from him. Malcolm was glad she hadn’t looked at him on her way out, he didn’t want her to see the unshed tears that had clouded his eyes–his weakness.

Malcolm looked at himself, noting how he looked as he always did. His suit was tailored to perfection, he had not a single dark hair out of place but he couldn’t deny the look in his eyes. He looked so tired. After he’d broken up with the woman who’d made him happier than he’d ever been in the early hours of the morning, he’d unsurprisingly been unable to get back to sleep. 

Malcolm had tried to occupy his mind by reading through some of his father’s old journals in his upstairs study. As he was learning more and more since he’d been kidnapped, he and The Surgeon were indeed the same–it had been a worthy way of passing the time.

As he studied himself further, Malcolm found that he also looked incredibly sad–the type of sad that even he couldn’t hide. Dani had left and Malcolm’s heart went with her. It was what he deserved. He didn’t deserve Dani’s selflessness, her comfort, her care–not after putting his hands on her. The night terror had gotten to him and he had no control over himself. It was a shove now but who knows what it would be later.

In between images of her sad eyes, Malcolm had also been tortured the rest of the night with intrusive thoughts of Dani’s pale, lifeless body–dead at his hands. Breaking up with her had hurt more than Lazar’s hunting knife ever could but it had been the right decision.

–––––––––––––––––

Malcolm’s hand shook violently as he tried to open one of the many prescription pill bottles that lined the island. His tremors were back. Whenever they acted up in times of distress, Dani held his hand. She laced her slender fingers with his until he relaxed. He was thinking about her again but he couldn’t help it.

Dani had been there for him many times and he never quite knew what to do with it. His mother tried to be there for him when he needed it but it was often too much. Jessica meant well but he often felt smothered and confined. His sister tried as well but Ainsley had her own issues to sort through. Though Malcolm had been the one to bear the brunt of Martin’s demented attempt at fatherhood, his sister hadn’t been spared from all that entailed either. Ainsley couldn’t exactly be physically or emotionally present for him when he needed someone and he didn’t blame her. 

Dani had always been able to be there for him. Their connection had been instant and intuitive. She’d comforted him in the middle of the squad room floor on the very first day they’d met. Malcolm remembered how he’d gripped her petite frame so tightly as he came down from yet another horror, she’d anchored him even then. 

_She’s perfect for me._ The thought came unbidden and out of nowhere. Malcolm shook his head as if to physically clear it away. He had to get to work, there was a murder waiting for him.

–––––––––––––––––––

“What do we got?” He asked as Gil met him at the entrance of a far corner of Central Park.

“A weird one.”

“My favorite,” Malcolm meant it lightheartedly but the flatness of his tone was obvious to his own ears. He ignored Gil’s sideways glance at him. Malcolm knew his uncharacteristically unenthused response to murder was strange to say the least, but the very last thing he wanted was to talk about it.

They joined the rest of the team. JT was scribbling in a notebook, frowning. Edrisa was on her hands and knees peering at the bloated, discolored, misshapen thing that was a body in name only. This was exactly his type of case. Malcolm immediately looked to his right, expecting to see Dani’s bemused, slightly grossed out expression as he often did at their crime scenes. A secret smile would pass between the two of them as he immediately went into hypothesizing and diagnosing the situation. She wasn’t there.

“Where’s Dani?” Malcolm looked around and he didn’t see his girlfriend or ex–girlfriend anywhere. Dani was the most punctual person he’d ever met, it was unlike her to be late for anything, especially work. She’d unceremoniously left very early that morning. Malcolm had hoped she’d gotten home okay. Dani usually texted to tell him she’d made it home safely on the rare nights she stayed at her place. She hadn’t texted this morning, though he’d checked his phone every few minutes waiting for it. 

“Shouldn’t we be asking _you_ that?” JT looked at him quizzically before turning back to his notepad. Malcolm ignored him.

“Powell called in, she’s not coming to work today,” Gil informed them, arms folded. Malcolm felt his muscles unclench. At least she was at home safe. Gil would know if she wasn’t.

Malcolm tried not to shrink under Gil’s unwavering eagle-eyed stare. His boss knew something was up. Dani had about a million hours worth of paid time off. She never missed work and though it was in a much different way than he did, she lived for this job too.

“Powell? A day off? Alert the media,” JT quipped before turning to Malcolm with a raised brow. “Trouble in paradise?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Malcolm said dully before squatting down to get a better look at their victim. 

Edrisa prattled on about the status of their victim and the incredibly strange circumstances of the death. Malcolm barely acknowledged her which was a bit unlike him. One of his favorite parts of the job was getting to nerd out over forensics with the quirky medical examiner but his mind was a million miles away–more specifically out east of here in the northwest Bronx.

–––––––––––––––––

“Bright, would you get in here for a sec?” Gil called him over to his office from the conference room where Malcolm had been trying to craft his profile, though _trying_ would probably be giving him too much credit. 

Malcolm hadn’t been doing much of anything except checking his phone every few seconds, waiting for a text from Dani. He didn’t know why. _He’d_ broken up with her. Dani wouldn’t be calling or texting him, she probably thought he didn’t care about her. She probably thought he didn’t want her–though the physical ache in his heart said otherwise. Who knows? Maybe she was doing fine, maybe she thought she’d dodged a bullet. He flinched at the thought.

Malcolm sat down in the stiff leather chair across from Gil’s massive cherrywood desk.They’d had many heart to hearts in here but he wasn’t really in the mood to talk about his feelings. His boss steepled his fingers together, leaning forward. His heavily mustached mouth turned down, wearing his concerned father look. Malcolm had seen that look countless times over the years and though it was much too early in the day for one of Gil’s Bourbon chats; with the way Malcolm was feeling at the moment, he certainly wouldn’t mind a glass of the high proof Booker’s that Gil kept in his desk drawer.

“What’s up?” Malcolm tried to sound casual but judging by the narrowing of his boss’s eyes, he’d obviously failed.

“You tell me. I ask you for a profile and you spend half of the day looking at your phone every six seconds and the other half moping around like your dog died.” Malcolm opened his mouth to object to that description of his behavior but Gil raised a hand–silencing him. “You know I love both you and Powell as though you were my own kids, right?”

“Yes,” Malcolm said slowly, not sure where this conversation was headed.

“So believe me when I tell you that this comes from a place of love: get yourself together.” 

Gil had noticed the potential between Malcolm and Dani long before they had. They were two sides of the same coin and he’d been pleased when they’d realized it. They both were too young to have carried so much sadness and loss. He’d noticed how much lighter–happier they were together but he didn’t take into account what would happen if things went south. This was a Major Crimes unit of the NYPD not the _Young & the Restless _for Christ’s sake. Gil needed the best profiler in the business with his head in the game and one of his best detectives actually at work. “I don’t know what’s going on between you and Powell but whatever it is, you need to fix it and fast.__

____

____

Malcolm looked down at his hands, the tremors still running through them, “It’s not that simple, Gil.”

Gil sighed, leaning back in his chair. He was no relationship guru but he knew Malcolm and Dani, “Kid, you and I both know that’s not true.”

–––––––––––––––

Dani laid on her side, then turned on her back and then back to her other side. She groaned, an irritated, frustrated sound escaping her lips. She was in her own bed trying to get comfortable but she couldn’t. She didn’t know how it had happened but apparently, she couldn’t rest without her personal space heater and human weighted blanket. 

Every morning, Dani awoke to Malcolm’s face buried in the crook of her neck, his soft snores near her ear. His hand often found itself at the other side of her neck–his fingers resting at her pulse. That was kind of his thing. Malcolm’s hands were always at her pulse or at her chest–over her heart. She guessed that feeling–the feeling of her life beneath his hands–relaxed him. She also always awoke to one of his legs hitched over her hip. He clung to her but she didn’t mind. Malcolm was so warm and solid. Dani loved wrapping her arms around him, carding her fingers through his thick, dark hair. Her other hand gently running along the surprisingly defined muscles in his back.

As much as her physical presence seemed to comfort him, his presence comforted her. They fit around each other like two pieces to one puzzle. It was a strange and unwelcome feeling, sleeping alone. She didn’t like it.

Dani sighed, staring up at the ceiling. She remembered how excited she had been to move into her cozy little apartment in Riverdale after finally being able to get herself out of Highbridge. Now, she felt like a stranger in her own home. Somewhere along the way, she’d made her home in Manhattan, in Tribeca. Though if she were being completely honest with herself, her home hadn’t ever really been a place but a person. Her mind drifted to mercurial profiler with the warmest heart and the darkest of secrets. That same profiler who had kicked her out of his apartment very early this morning.

She’d been furious and humiliated–she still was. Malcolm had broken up with her. He’d cast her aside as she wore her robe and very little else. Dani had felt his eyes on her as she put her dress back on and slipped on the flats she kept at his place but she wouldn’t look at him. She wouldn’t look into the pale eyes that had been as hard as crystal when he told her that he didn’t want to be with her. Dani always thought she knew Malcolm, she’d certainly trusted him but she didn’t know that person who had looked her in the face and broken her heart.

It wasn’t that Malcolm had broken up with her that hurt the most, it was the fact that from the beginning Dani had felt a connection to him–a hum of _something_ that marked them as being the same despite how wildly different they were. Dani felt like she understood him and what she didn’t understand, she been willing–she’d wanted to–understand but he simply wouldn’t allow it.

Dani knew it had everything to do with him accidentally knocking her out of the bed. Malcolm been asleep and she didn’t blame him for it, she’d wanted to tell him as much but she could see in his face that he wasn’t having it. She also knew he’d had a flashback to a similar situation.

Malcolm had told her about the time he’d almost stabbed a girl he was with during one of his hallucinations. He must’ve gone back to that time, when he saw _her_ on the ground.

Dani rolled her eyes. Had Malcolm pulled a weapon on her, she was quite confident that she could disarm and subdue him rather quickly. She was a New York City cop, _she_ wasn’t some ridiculous prom queen from Saddle Brook or wherever. Dani could handle herself. Moreover, there were things about her past–about herself that she hadn’t even told Malcolm. He didn’t know about the people she used to run with from her old neighborhood before Gil found her. He didn’t know about the company she’d kept at that time. A knife-wielding, hallucinating Malcolm Bright wouldn’t rank very highly on the list of scary things Dani had ever seen. 

If only she could’ve told him this. She’d didn’t know if he’d believe her even if she had.


	2. Wait By The River

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I will cry out to heaven  
>  As it rains down on me  
> I will beg for forgiveness  
> Get down on my knees  
> If I can't change the weather  
> Maybe I can change your mind  
> If we can't be together  
> What's the point of life_
> 
> _Wait By the River // Lord Huron_

Dani felt bad that she’d skipped out on work. She knew they had a new case and Gil was depending on her but she didn’t want to deal with Malcolm–not right now, not today.

She didn’t know what she’d do when she saw him. Dani was caught somewhere between wanting to run into his arms and wanting to absolutely clock him for being an idiot. For pushing away the girl who loved him. She did. Dani had never told him but it wasn’t something she could deny and she wouldn’t even try. Somehow Malcolm had gotten through her defenses, under her skin and inside of her heart. That she knew for certain. Where they’d go from here? That she didn’t know.

She still wore her bracelet from last night, the one with that word engraved on the heart shaped charm. Dani thought–hoped–that maybe Malcolm was trying to tell her something. Most times she knew Malcolm loved her, he hadn’t told her but he’d shown her everyday. After this morning though, she didn’t really know that–she didn’t know anything anymore. 

Dani just knew that today she couldn’t stand to see Malcolm in his crisp, tailored suit. His slicked back hair. His too handsome face. She couldn’t stand it if he looked like everything was fine while she was so miserable. If he was fine and he was over it and what happened last night didn’t matter–if _she_ didn’t matter.

–––––––––––––––––

Gil had eventually sent him home. Malcolm didn’t know if it was because he felt bad for him or if it were due to his complete and utter ineffectiveness at his job today. Before leaving, Gil had sternly told him to “Work things out with Powell and come back tomorrow ready to work.” At the time, he had no intention of doing one of those things. He’d try his best to get back to work–lest he get fired–but he wouldn’t go to Dani. 

Malcolm wouldn’t bother her. He’d let her have the life she deserved. The life she wanted.

 _She wanted you_ , a small voice whispered in the back of his mind. Malcolm tried but he couldn’t push it away. Dani did want him and he couldn’t figure out why. What did he have to offer? What life could he give her? Malcolm honestly thought that he’d been protecting her by breaking up but he was beginning to realize that the only person he’d been protecting was himself. 

Dani made him happy and he’d never experienced what that truly felt like before. More than that, Dani had become apart of him–his true other half and he didn’t realize how much he leaned on her until she wasn’t there. Malcolm tried to deny it but he couldn’t. He couldn’t deny the corrosive loneliness clawing a hole inside of him as he laid down on the couch, staring up at his exposed ceiling. Regret and remembrance circling around and around in his mind.

Malcolm had pushed her away and deep down, he knew why he’d done it. He’d done because he’d known all of those things already. He had to break up with Dani before she inevitably left him. Malcolm had a terrible habit of getting in his own way–of sabotaging everything good that happened to him and he’d ended up sabotaging the best thing that had ever happened to him. 

Gabrielle had said once that sadness was its own sort of comfort. He didn’t understand what she’d meant at the time but he did now. He’d been so used to the trauma and the pain, he didn’t know how to cope with happiness. Moreover, he didn’t know how he’d cope with the loss of it. Quite simply, he wouldn’t be able to. 

If Dani one day decided that she didn’t want to be with him. That the night terrors, the hallucinations, the mania, the depression, the pills, the PTSD, the anxiety–all of it was too much for her, it would _destroy_ him and he knew he’d never recover. Not from _her_. 

Dani accepted him, she never once turned away from him, she didn’t even turn away from him when he’d accidentally shoved her last night. All Malcolm could think of is: what if one day she did turn away? He couldn’t afford to take that risk. He’d thought that if he broke up with her first, he could steel himself for the onslaught of pain. He thought it would hurt less. It didn’t.

After being with Dani, Malcolm couldn’t go back to that numbness, that hollowness that feeling he’d normalized for as long as he could remember. He couldn’t go back to experiencing everything yet feeling nothing. He needed relief. He needed her. He always had.

––––––––––––––––––

It was getting late. It was well after midnight and Dani decided that she should stop moping and listening to every Lewis Capaldi song in existence. She needed to shower, change out of her pajamas and into some fresh ones. She was going to work tomorrow and she’d face Malcolm. She wasn’t the type to hide from anyone. What she’d say to him–she didn’t have the answer to that but she’d figure that out too, just as she figured everything else out.

Dani went into her bathroom and realized that almost all of her hair products were at Malcolm’s place, especially her favorite sulfate-free co-wash. The one with the coconut scent that always put her in a better mood whenever she used it and right now she could most definitely use a better mood. She’d spent so many nights and mornings Malcolm’s, having a lot of her things there had made sense at the time. She couldn’t wash her hair, the one thing she actually looked forward to at the end of the day. _Great_. 

Dani was lucky that she still had her soap. After rummaging around under her bathroom sink, she’d unearthed one unopened box of classic Dove, something she’d been using forever. At least she could have a proper shower. 

Stepping out of the shower, she automatically reached for her blood red french terry bathrobe that always hung on the back of the door. Her hand touched nothing but air. _That’s at stupid Bright’s house too._ Dani took a deep breath as she looked up at the ceiling, willing herself to calm down before she absolutely lost it. 

Wrapping a fluffy spa towel around herself, securing it at the top, still very annoyed that she didn’t have her robe, Dani walked back into the bedroom. At least she knew she had something to sleep in as she’d taken to sleeping in Malcolm’s clothes when she stayed over, immediately calling to mind the scent of his spicy French cologne. A pang of sadness hit her out of nowhere.

Slipping into a pair of black sweats and a faded oversized NYPD tee, Dani heard a noise coming from the living room. She listened carefully. It sounded like her window was being forced open. She went on high alert. Dani quickly unlocked the safe under the bed and reached for her gun. Pressing her back against the wall, she slowly made her way out of the bedroom. She inched closer to the intruder, turning her head slightly, seeing a darkened figure stumbling a bit as they cleared the ledge. The person had their back turned to her, she made her move.

“Hands up slowly. Do not move,” Dani growled, holding her gun to the person’s head, cocking it for emphasis. 

The person wisely did as she said, probably not expecting their potential mark to be a police officer, “You really should lock your windows.”

Dani knew that voice, she’d know it anywhere. 

“ _Bright!_ ” Dani quickly lowered her gun, grabbing him by the arm, turning him around. “Are you insane? I could’ve shot you!” She expected to see him again, she did not at all expect that he would’ve crawled through her window. It was honestly the most Malcolm thing ever and if she weren’t so pissed at him, she might’ve laughed.

Malcolm was as casual as she’d ever seen him in a black hoodie and slim dark jeans. His hair falling in his nearly translucent blue eyes. Eyes that weren’t the cold, hard crystal she’d seen the last time but wide and nearly glowing with something she couldn’t name. 

Malcolm also looked tired–really tired, “I wish I could say that’s the first time I’ve ever been asked that question. I also wish I could say that was the first time a gun has been held to my head.” 

Dani had been there the last time a gun had been at his head. He’d done it to himself–accidentally. It had been another very Malcolm thing to do.

Putting her gun safely on the nearby coffee table. Dani folded her arms over her chest, staring down her boyfriend or ex-boyfriend as it were, “How did you even get up here?”

Malcolm shrugged, “Fire escape, you’re only on the fourth floor. It wasn’t that hard.”

When Dani had taken her keys with her, she didn’t think he’d resort to climbing four flights of stairs. She shook her head, she honestly should’ve known. Malcolm was both the unstoppable force and the immovable object whenever an idea popped into his head. Unfortunately, those ideas usually led to him doing something stupid or dangerous or most often both.

“Okay but why _are_ you here?” Dani was waiting for an explanation as to why Malcolm was all the way in northwest Bronx after midnight though he’d made it very clear that he didn’t want to be with her.

If Malcolm was drunk and looking for business, she’d send him right back out the way in which he came in. Dani had seen Malcolm’s expensive and expansive brown liquor collection. She also knew about the Kentucky Bourbon that Gil kept in his desk drawer. 

She’d seen drunk Malcolm Bright before. Dani’s eyes narrowed, she was _not_ in the mood. 

–––––––––––––––––

“I don’t wanna be broken up. I never did,” Malcolm said quietly. Dani looked at him, searching him. He wasn’t drunk, thankfully. He just looked _lost_. She realized that those cold, crystal eyes from last night were just another another one of his masks. Another way he tried to hide. 

Malcolm wasn’t hiding from her now. She saw everything. His pain, his regret, his suffering. In this moment, Malcolm looked so very young. Due to his gentlemanly, old world mannerisms and his near constant formality, Dani tended to forget that Malcolm was only 29–a few years older than herself. 

He’d been forced into adulthood, complete with very adult problems since the age of ten but as she could see right now, Malcolm didn’t have it all figured out. Dani softened a bit. She wanted to wrap her arms around him, comfort him but her feet wouldn’t move. She was rooted in her spot, staring at the man she loved.

“What _do_ you want, Bright?”

“You. That’s it,” his voice was barely above a whisper and she strained to hear. She moved a bit closer to him, almost close enough to feel the warmth she’d missed ever since he cast her out last night.

“You have a funny way of showing it,” Malcolm flinched and Dani felt bad but she had to be honest. It was her heart on the line too. It was her trust that had been given willingly and fully. Not everything could be on his terms.

“Um…can I?” He asked hesitantly, reaching for her hand. She felt the tremors in his “never-better” shaky hand and she squeezed it unconsciously as he led her to the overstuffed loveseat in the middle of the room.

Dani thought he’d sit beside her, she was surprised when Malcolm knelt in front of her, looking up at her. His ice blue eyes boyishly earnest, “I’m sorry for last night. I’m sorry for shoving you. I can’t even tell you how awful I feel about it. About hurting you.”

“Bright, it was an accident. But what you did after, _that_ hurt me,” he looked down and she gently pulled one of her hands from his and lifted his chin, forcing his ashamed gaze into meeting hers. “I trusted you because you earned it. What haven’t I done? Why don’t you trust me too?”

“You’ve done everything. That’s the problem. You shouldn’t feel that way about me. I don’t deserve it. I’m a monster, Dani.”

She gently ran her fingers along his stubbled jawline, hating the misery distorting his handsome features, “No, you’re not. You and I, we put monsters away. People like Lazar and The Surgeon.”

“But that’s just it! I’m one of them, just like them. The girl in the box. I killed her–or I helped. I don’t know but I know I had something to do with it,” Malcolm watched for a change in Dani’s soft brown eyes. He waited to see the disgust in her eyes at knowing she’d given her care, her heart to a murderer. He never did. He saw nothing but compassion– nothing but love. He took a deep breath trying to calm himself before the tremors controlled him entirely.

“Bright, whatever happened back then wasn’t your fault.” Malcolm opened his mouth to protest before Dani put a slender finger over his lips. “You were a child. You should’ve been protected and you weren’t. What happened to that girl, that sickness belongs to them and them alone. You are a good man.”

Malcolm felt the tears run, slowly trickling down his face. He’d become completely undone at her acceptance of something that had haunted him every second of every day. Something that he couldn’t even accept about himself. With her fingertips, Dani lightly brushed away all of his tears before covering his trembling hands with hers. She brought his hands to her full lips and kissed them softly, lovingly.

Malcolm didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know how to handle her tenderness. He knew he wouldn’t do what he’d done the last time, he would trust her. He’d give her what she truly deserved.

“Dani, I made a mistake. I pushed you away when all I’ve ever wanted was to keep you close. Please, come home,” Malcolm tried to keep his voice steady but he couldn’t. He couldn’t keep the desperation from seeping into his words, from sounding like a prayer.

Dani smiled, her beautiful brown eyes sparkling in the soft lamplight. She once again unlaced her fingers from his and placed her delicate hand over his rapidly beating heart, something he unconsciously did to her quite a lot. The charms of bracelet he’d given her last night, jingled musically. 

“Bright, my home is right here. It always will be.”

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this was a little out of my comfort zone but I tried my best. Massive thanks to @2amEuphoria for brainstorming with me. Also @Prettybutt wanted some Brightwell romance so I tried to put that in here as well.


End file.
